Skoda jokes

"Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen" (distraxi) 02/18/2018 at 20:26 • Filed to: Skoda, Octavia

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Q: How do you double the value of a Skoda?

A: fill it with gas

Q: What do you call a Skoda driver with a speeding ticket?

A: A liar

Q: What do you call a Skoda at the top of a hill?

A: A miracle

Q: What do you call TWO Skodas at the top of a hill?

A: A Mirage

Q: What’s the difference between a Skoda and a baby?

A: you can separate a baby from its rattle

Q: Why did the Skoda cross the road?

A: the steering failed

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: to help push the Skoda

Q: What’s the difference between a Jehovah’s Witness and a Skoda?

A: you can close the door on a JW

Q: Do you have a door mirror for a Skoda?

A: sounds like a fair trade

....and the list goes on. If you’d told me 30 years ago that I’d not only buy a Skoda, but pay serious money to do it, that would have been the best Skoda joke I ever heard. But, well, here we are. In about 3 weeks I take delivery of a demo-miles 2017 Octavia vRS.

Turns out that if you want a compact fast hatchback with lots of luggage space, hate crossovers, and your wife won’t be seen dead in a wagon... your options are pretty limited. I really liked my Mk5 GTI and this is basically a Mk7 GTI with a liftback and an extra foot of trunk.

Also turns out that Skodas come with a lot more fruit at a lot less money than other VAG products, and by reputation are the best built of all of them (and whodda thunk that would ever be plausible?)

(Generic image - mine doesn’t have the ugly 19” wheels)

JeepJeremy > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen 02/18/2018 at 20:37

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Skodas aren’t cool? (Ignorant American, here).

Nibby > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen 02/18/2018 at 20:41

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what the hell are those ungodly wheels

Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen > JeepJeremy 02/18/2018 at 20:43

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They used to be roughly equivalent to a Yugo or a Lada: Eastern Bloc junk bought only by people who had no choice. Then VW bought them and things changed...

SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media > Nibby 02/18/2018 at 21:08

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Czechoslovakian clover leaf. Standard fitment on the RS spec. They look quite OK on a coloured car...

Chariotoflove > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen 02/18/2018 at 21:42

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I laughed. You earned my star.

Good luck with your new steed!

Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen > Nibby 02/18/2018 at 21:53

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Horrendous, aren’t they. Plus for added WTF they stick out past the tires so they’ll get curbed all the time, they take ultra low profiles so they ruin the ride, and they’re an extra-cost upgrade from the stock 18s. So basically full of win. I specifically wanted one without them, which was harder to find than it had any right to be given how bad they are.

Svend > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen 02/18/2018 at 22:19

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I love mine, and the previous one, such great cars for less than a VW or Audi.

The great thing about the Octavia vRS is you can have one in manual or auto, petrol or diesel, liftback or estate.

Welcome to the Skoda family.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen 02/19/2018 at 00:44

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Nice one

Rustholes-Are-Weight-Reduction > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen 02/19/2018 at 03:53

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Those wheels! And clearcoated primer! No. It also looks as if they disconnected the sway bars

Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen > Rustholes-Are-Weight-Reduction 02/19/2018 at 04:18

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I knew I recognized that grey!

Mechanically > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen 02/19/2018 at 08:04

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I hate low profile tires. The M6wagon I bought years ago has 18s with 45mm tires, and I can’t wear out a set at the same so as to justify buying some proper 17s. I’m constantly replacing the odd tire, and therefore can’t justify jumping ship.

Also, get off my lawn.

Mechanically > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen 02/19/2018 at 08:07

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Interesting thought; if VAG is still trying to achieve world domination, in spite of Dieselgate, why don’t they bring Skoda to the US?

They could use the tried-and-true model the big 3 use. Mercury/Ford, GMC/Chevy, etc.

It would give VW dealers an interesting option.

Maybe they don’t think Americans would go for a “downmarket” VW?

Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen > Mechanically 02/19/2018 at 15:11

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“Maybe they don’t think Americans would go for a “downmarket” VW?”

I guess that’s it. Plus it’d be a new brand for the US market, and any American who’d encountered it would probably be someone older who’d done military service in Germany. In which case they’d remember Skodas as Eastern Bloc heaps of shit: not a great rep to penetrate a market on. If they wanted a low end brand for the US they’d be better off to either create one from thin air or buy an obsolete name from the GM firesale.

In Europe they actually have a 4 brand strategy (plus the super-premium brands like Porsche, Lambo, & Bentley who only limitedly platform-share)

Audi - premium

VW - midrange

Skoda -practical/value: VW’s Chevy

SEAT - young/sporty: VW’s Scion

Skoda’s at some risk of being kneecapped because it’s too successful and compromising the VW brand, while SEAT (like Scion) is struggling

Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen > Mechanically 02/19/2018 at 18:09

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Yup, me too. For serious track weapons, sure: sharpens response and increases grip. For actual everyday use, they just wreck the ride and leave your rims vulnerable to potholes. And 9 out of 10 times they don’t even help the look of the car. I’m not interested in anything lower than a 55 on my DD.

Mechanically > Distraxi's idea of perfection is a Jagroen 02/19/2018 at 22:10

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We can be friends.